101 Ways to Fail your Lover
by ixbranna16
Summary: Just a collection of funny drabbles about failing to get your lover into bed, or making it to the bedroom and failing there too. Rated M for potty mouths and some highly suggestive stuff. Will have a wide range of AUs, including Omegaverse, Huamn AU, and of course Canon AUs. (I forgot to warn that the first one is omegaverse oops) Most will be M/M.
1. Chapter 1

Hi, I still exist, and I'm writing bad things.

Hetalia doesn't belong to me, any likeness to anyone real is pure coincidence and in the case of these drabbles, I'm so sorry if it happened to you.

"Oh yes, just like that- ooh~"

The sounds of grunts, moans, and a banging headboard were the only noise in the Kirkland-Jones house at 1 am this night, It was a night of passion, of love, and most importantly, hot needy sex. Too long had Arthur been deprived of his mate, the stupid cocky Alpha having to leave for a two day business retreat was torturous to his Omega instincts. Now was his time to take his fill, and he greedily ate it all up.

It seemed that Alfred shared his sentiment, seeing as he was rigorously fucking Arthur into the mattress, and had no intention of stopping anytime soon. "Please, ah- Alfred, more~", Arthur begged his mate with absolutely zero inhibitions, "I need more- ah- oh gods YES~"

His cries sang to the heavens once Alfred doubled the strength of his thrusts, intent on pleasing his Omega. The Alpha began sucking on the exposed neck of his lover, leaving marks so that everyone would be reminded of just who Arthur was mated to. The sandy blonde ate the attention up, set even closer to the edge of climax from his mate's show of possession. He was so close. So. Fucking. Close-

BANG.

"Mother of fuck!"

Arthur's head had collided with their bed's headboard, making him see stars, and they weren't the good kind. All movements ceased, a concerned frown on Alfred's face as he looked to his mate. "Oh my gosh, are you okay, babe?", he began, his voice laced with held back desire and genuine concern as he pulled out and tried to maneuver himself out of their tangle of limbs and bedsheets , "Hold on, let me check your he-"

The Alpha didn't get to finish that sentence. He had misjudged how far he was from the edge of the bed and his knee met only air, sending him tumbling off the side of the bed, Arthur rolling close to the edge as well.

It was silent for only a moment as they just laid there in shock. Then the giggles began. It started from Arthur, a hand on his head where he had hit it, but the pain was quickly being replaced with laughter. Alfred followed suit, seeing Arthur's smile was always welcome to him, and this whole situation was just plain silly. They both sat there laughing, neither one making a move to get back into position on the bed so they could continue their romp.

Eventually, Alfred got up from his spot on the floor and made his way back to the bed. An odd giggle or two still passed his lips when he spoke, "So then, where were we?"

A/N: So I got it in my head today that this should exist. It's gonna be a whole bunch of fail sex between my favorite boys.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hetalia is not mine, I just enjoy torturing my favorites.**

* * *

This idea was flawless. Alfred just knew it would be the best thing since, like, sliced bread or something! He eagerly got himself ready then looked in the mirror. Yes, perfect, Arthur would love this!

Today was his and Arthur's 2 month anniversary of dating, and Al knew his plan was flawless. Was it a bit extreme for 2 months? Maybe, but he was pretty sure Arthur was perfect and he was in love. Plus, he was sure he knew Arthur's preferences in most things by now. He had it all: candlelit room, chocolate but not the American kind, rum and not wine, pills for the headache in the morning, everything! Oh, and his secret weapon, of course. There was no way Arthur could not love him for this.

Footsteps could be heard and Alfred took great satisfaction in the gasp Arthur made once he reached the bedroom. He was waiting in the bathroom of the place, but peeked out to see Arthur undressing as the note told him to. Al was giddy as he hurriedly got his boxers off and checked his 'package'. Everything was in order, and he stepped out, bathrobe on as he sauntered up to the bedroom door, trying to look sexy.

It must have been working, because Arthur was raking his eyes over him, just begging for him to take the robe off. Well, if he insisted…

The robe fell to the floor and Arthur's face turned from sexy to confused at the drop of a hat. Alfred wasn't discouraged though, as he grabbed the lightsaber between his legs and turned its light on. "Arthur~ I am your daddy~"

A pillow hit his face.

Well that wasn't the reaction he had been expecting. Nor was he expecting to be bodily shoved out of the room and the door locked behind him as it slammed shut. "Artie, babe, what did I do?"

The door opened a crack and venomous green eyes stared at him. "I'm a Trekkie you Star Wars loving prick."

The door slammed again and Alfred stood there baffled. "EW YOU LIKE STAR TREK?"

That comment had Alfred sleeping on the couch for a week.


End file.
